I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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