His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
