i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
