so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
