I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
