I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
