Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
