I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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