Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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