dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sorry my hands just texted you
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
