I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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