you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
