i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
