i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
