is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
