Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
