dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
