I love black thongs
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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