is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
