No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
