the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
