You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
