Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
