god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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