Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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