We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
