3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
