He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
