I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
