now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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