6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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