i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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