I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
