I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
