Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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