I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
