...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
