Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
