He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
