Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
