hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
