the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
