Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
