Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
