What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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