dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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