i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
