Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
