Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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