You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
