so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I could make wine with my vomit
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Randomize
