saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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